I'm gaining weight & not tracking like I know I should because I'm angry.
Losing weight is hard, anyone who has ever tried it knows how hard it really is, but it's more than that for me.
6ish years ago I was
It worked then and it should work now right? . . . right? . . . ((silence))
Yeah, not so much. I started my journey this time and I expected the same magical results. It has not been magical in the least. Almost 61 lbs (at one point, but less than that now) and no baby #2. I'm ticked. Yes I know it is absurd to expect my body to work the same way twice. I know all the statistics and all the PCOS problems with pregnancy. I just expected it to be easy. I'm now faced with changing my expectations . . . which for anyone that knows me, change is not something I am good with.
So instead of changing I've become angry and frustrated with myself. I've been slipping back into old habits. I'm punishing myself for something that I can't control . . . OTHER than taking care of myself and my body.
So here I sit coming back to my roots and blogging. I've started tracking again and I plan on adding in exercise as well.
What I have to come to terms with is even if I am not meant to have another child, I still need to get to a healthy weight for me. Yes I said it. ME. I obviously want to be healthy for my husband and my child, but my number one reason has to be me.
If I can't count on myself than who can I count on?
4 comments:
I am so sorry you are stuggling to have baby number two. I can't even begin to imagine how this affects you. Just know that we (your bloggy buddies) are always here if you need us. Hang in there and I think it is great that you are starting to change your mindset about doing this for you and not anyone else.
*HUGS* Oh I know just what you're going through.
Well, minus the already having 1 baby.
You read so much crap telling you that if you just lost soandso much weight, you'll be fertile!
You lose the weight and... yep... still nothing.
It's SO damn frustrating and disheartening when nothing happens.
Hopefully we'll both be preg w/ a sticky one soon **HUGS AGAIN**
Momma Hunt - Thank you so much! It's not something I really talk about a lot, but it's really just broken me a bit recently and I felt like I needed to just let it out. Your support mean a lot to me!
Lisa - You know I wish a baby for you more than I even wish for my own . . . which as you know is saying a lot. It is so frustrating. I know how extremely lucky I am to have a child. I just want to strangle my body right now!
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