This is in no way meant to hurt anyone, it's only my way of releasing what is holding me down so that I can finally fly. I need to fly. I'm tired of being broken.
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"Compulsion is despair on the emotional level." - this is an excerpt from Geneen Roth's book When Food Is Love
I am a compulsive eater. I starting hiding it. I can eat until I feel sick. When I start eating I get into a state where I can't stop and I can't eat fast enough. Desperate. Shoving food into my mouth at a ridiculous speed. Why? Afterwards I feel depressed. The only thoughts that enter my mind are about how much I hate myself.
So why do I do it?
Food is what I use to fill a void. I'm trying to protect myself. Protect myself from getting hurt. To fill a place in me that is missing or empty. The problem is, if I don't come to terms with why I eat, then I will never be able to move past it. I will always turn to food instead of trusting and loving myself.
I turn to food because it can never leave. Even if for a tiny moment it makes me feel nothing which sometimes is better than feeling something. Feeling something scares me more than anything else. Feeling means not only feeling the things that are good but also feeling the things that are painful & terrifying.
Fear.
. . . Stay tuned for the next installment of the Why I Eat Series.
3 comments:
Breaking Free From Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth changed my life! It really helped me a lot and I hope the book you're reading helps you too. The questions she makes you ask yourself do not always have pretty answers, but it's worth it - Good Luck!
The first time I read When Food is Love (in the mid 90's) I cried my eyes out. It is a tremendous book that touched on why so many eat the way they do...
Jodie (biggerthanababyelephant.blogspot.com)
So far the book is just amazing. I see myself in it so much! Thank you both for your encouragement, it really means so much to me!
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